… that you can rely on.

For instance, the telephone ringing just as you’ve sat down with a nice cup of hot tea, or the golf (I mean what sort of a sport is that? It’s about as interesting as having warm marmalade applied beneath the fingernails) over-running on BBC Two to such an extent that whatever cool sci-fi/fantasy* show they are now showing gets cancelled or, and lastly, your PC crashing just as you’ve typed out that long email or document without having saved it.

I can also rely on every other Tuesday being the most miserable and boring day of the week. Why? I hear you collectively cry. Well, that is all day meeting day. Why must we have an all day meeting when my attention span is at best twenty minutes? To make matters worse I am feeling very tired today and a little cranky. Actually this has the makings of an interesting meeting, perhaps I could ‘lose it’ and go berserk, a la Ben and Matt in Dogma. Alternatively I could simply go surreal in a Vince and Howard (Boosh) stylee. Or, as is more than likely, I’ll sit with my cup of tea in my ‘keep warm’ flask/mug and fall asleep within half an hour.

Roll on Wednesday and save me from the tyranny of pointless, mundane and far too long meetings.

*An interesting aside (well I think it is so I’m going to mention it). ITV 3 or 4, no idea which one, has been showing Space 1999 and UFO, the two real-life action series created by Gerry ‘Thunderbirds’ Anderson. Getting all nostalgic when I saw they were on I flicked over via the remote and sat down to relive my childhood Saturday mornings. Now they may have been two not very good episodes but the dialogue was pathetic, and the acting, apart from Martin Landau (we’re not worthy) was appalling. Still the theme tunes are cool, so next time they are on I’ll watch the first five minutes and then turn off. This is a good thing with regard to Space 1999 as they show all the best bits of the show in a preview over the title sequence. So you get the story, all the special effects, but no dialogue, over a great theme tune.

Well the story of the whale in the thames had an unhappy ending, for the whale. Sadly it died and so the recriminations are starting. Anyway, the Mail on Sunday joined in with its stable mates when it comes to journalistic originality. Their headline for the sad story was ‘Farewhale’, wonders will never cease.

To get things in perspective though I recommend you have a read of this – you tell it Steve.

On Friday most of the UK were watching scenes of whale that had managed to swim up the River Thames and end of up in Central London. Currently it is still there and the best place to see what is happening is at the BBC.

But I was stunned at the journalistic creative genius that flows effortlessly out of the Daily Mail. It is no wonder that it is possibly the worst newspaper on the planet. It must have taken all of a nanosecond to come up with the front page headline for Saturday’s Mail. I can just imagine the editors sitting around trying to think of the front page copy. Whale, up the Thames, in London and it is trapped… what did these creative, talented, highly-paid hacks come up with?

Free Willy