Woke up this morning and there in the bath (I didn’t wake up in the bathroom but it was the first room I went to) was a giant house spider – well it was quite big.

I was tempted to leave it in the bath, after all it may have been there simply to have a wash, but to be honest I don’t buy Lynx Shower Gel for anyone to use and so I had to act (if only I was as talented as Ross Kemp).

After finding an empty plastic beaker, I trapped the Tegenaria domestica, and sliding some card under the beaker was able to pick it up. I glanced into the beaker, and with an air of superiority that comes with only millennia of evolutionary progress or intelligent design I said, ‘ha’.

And the spider stood there (stood seems such a little word for something that has eight legs) and gave me such a dirty look… so I threw it out the house