Yesterday’s review post was a reminder to stop and let things be. I have a habit of running off and living in the future. I have destinations in mind. I have achievements to attain. I have relationships to be in. Looking forward is fine. Living there and not bothering to take the journey is futile.
As I journaled this morning I was thinking about the ‘so what?’. In particular what worked and what didn’t work for me in the past 12 months. Then, trying to see why. Why wasn’t I able to do this or that and why was I able to achieve certain things.
Once again my old future friend was there. ‘Let’s skip the actual doing and just get there,’ he said with blind abandon.
This friend has been with me for most of my life. I remember a time at school when another friend pointed out, with amazing wisdom for one so young, that I always have big ideas but do little to achieve them. More recently, and scientifically, my Belbin Team type revealed a little more about this wonderful strategic thinker and ideas person, who got bored during the process.
OK, let’s work with my strengths. I’ll just be an ideas person. That doesn’t really help in my freelance capacity and achieving my own goals and projects. Am I in the wrong role? Should I give up the freelance work? I have been exploring the giving up and trying something different recently. To be honest, it isn’t working, it doesn’t feel right but is helping me see what I should be doing.
It is doing and achieving my creative projects, and other freelance work, that I get the most personal satisfaction. And, this is where the review comes in really handy, I have been able to achieve them… or some of them.
Breaking future goals down into steps is productivity 101. This goes against my very being, despite the fact that I know it has to be done. I struggle with it, but I can do it. When I do, I achieve and I complete.
So, if I can do this and I know how to do this, why can’t I achieve everything I set out to do? Why do I manage to break down some project but not others? I am sure it is because I still dream of that future, that idealised, utopian future. And, just perhaps, I am a little afraid that that future may not always be as wonderful as I envisage.
More on that to come…