I feel fine. No, really I do. I had a low point as the New Year got into its stride – festivities and frolics making way for the realities and uncertainty of life. It’s a personality thing. I need to know. I need to understand. But life isn’t like that. Life is a conversation, not a statement.
I feel fine, yes, I’m quite sure about that. I have moments of indecision and uncertainty. They pass, but like the winter weather, the clouds can hang around for a while. The rain falls and falls. But the sun will come out… eventually.
‘What’s on your mind?’ asks FaceBook. It’s nice to be asked, even if the ultimate aim of doing so is part of a business plan. Getting things off our mind is a healthy thing to do. For an introvert like myself, being able to post and share from behind a screen is helpful. It is an option. Not the best, but an option. But Facebook doesn’t care. It is an inanimate, preprogrammed question. It isn’t even A.I. driven at this point.
It reminds me of those times at work or at social gatherings or at church where people ask, ‘how are you?’, but they don’t really want to know. They are already moving on to the next person or preparing to tell you how their own existence is rolling on. If you grabbed them, stared into their eyes and told them how much of a struggle each day was, that you craved for just one moment where you felt truly alive… or is that just me?
The telesales cold call. ‘Hello Mr Hill, how are you today?’ I have answered them honestly once or twice. Once or twice they have put the phone down too.
‘It’s a test designed to provoke an emotional response.’ We are yet to enter Bladerunner’s dystopian future. A time when it is unsure whether a humanoid being is human and/or android. We still show emotions. At times of great stress, great disaster or while we await the reveal of the reality TV show winner.
Where is my emotional response? Where is my revolution? Where is my desire to fight for a cause? Am I one of a kind or am I one of the herd?
Do I feel fine? Or will I admit to how I really feel?
There is a machine and it needs to be raged against.
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