I was using coloured pens for each category of thing I should be doing… but I got annoyed because I didn’t really want to do the things that I should be doing and threw the pens off my desk. Now I am still not doing what I should be doing and my floor is a mess… but colourful.
I sat in thought. What do I really want? Where do I want to be in one, two or more years? I realised I didn’t know.
There is a philosophy that suggests we shouldn’t worry about the future. What will be will be and if it is meant to happen, it will happen. I don’t disagree with that. Worrying about the future won’t change it. We should focus on the now and just get on with things.
However, to get on with things I need to know what I should be doing. And what I should be doing is linked to what I want and where I would like to be. And that is, as mentioned, where I currently can’t find any clarity.
I do know some things. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be colour coding my actions. I have some goals, but they are vague, and perhaps that is why I am unsure. They are nebulous. So broad that what I should be doing to achieve each goal is unclear.
I’m sure I am not the only one who feels like they are simply going through the motions.
At the recent New Moon, I was journaling about getting rid of the boxes, or the fences that define things. The idea is that by deconstructing these traditional things that I don’t want, I might find what I do want. It hasn’t worked yet.
In the meantime, I had better pick up the pens. I don’t mind the mess and colour but I don’t want to slip on them, fall over and hurt myself. That I definitely don’t want.
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